To mark my one year anniversary I have decided to issue my own personal "Passengers' Code of On-Board Conduct"

This is designed to make your flight as comfortable as possible, both for yourself and the crew taking care of you, and will save you those moments of embarrasment and looks of death from an Air Hostess.

1. Boarding. When boarding the aircraft, say 'hello', 'good morning' or whatever it is to the Flight Attendant (called "FA" from here on) greeting you. There's nothing worse than a passenger that doesn't even recognise your greeting, or even worse, just stares blankly ahead, as if something more important is happening in the rear galley. Saying a simple 'Hi' to the FA, and better, if you smile back, can make a while lot of difference later on in the flight. You'll see.

2. Hand Luggage. It's called Hand Luggage for a reason, the clue is in the word 'Hand'.
The rule of thumb: If you can't lift it yourself into the overhead locker, don't bring it onboard.

3. The Seat Belt Sign is there for a purpose. When its illuminated, stay seated. Clear air turbulence does happen, and believe you me, you don't want to break your neck by being thrown into the ceiling mid-flight.
Even better, if you've got a blanket over you, fasten the seat belt over your blanket so the FA doesn't have to disturbe you should they encounter any unexpected turbulence.

4. Drink service. It's ok to ask for two drinks, as long as one of them is a glass of water. FAs all understand the importance of keeping oneself well hydrated in the air.
If they don't have hot drinks on the trolley, don't ask for them.
And please, oh please, never ask the most hideous question of all "what do you have?", instead ask for what you'd like, if it ain't available the FA will most likely point out an alternative.

5. Meal service. If you're travelling on an airline that does offer a choice of entrées, and you really don't know what to choose, ask the FA what they recommend.
(Personally, I'd tell you to go for the frittata as the omelette looks a bit green!)
Asking for two bread rolls is greedy. However, if they come around with more bread, it is acceptable to take another one.

6. Tea/Coffee. Can't really go wrong here, just don't reach for the milk jigger while the FA is pouring the hot beverage.

7. Collecting mealtrays. You might think you're helping when you arrange the little items neatly on top of each other, but no.
You see, each tray has its little slot to fit into the trolley, and the space between them ain't much. Instead, if you can fit everything in pretty much the same order and height it was in when you received it, you'll be making the FA a favour.
If you're sitting by the window, don't expect the FA to be able to reach for the tray on your table, just hand it to her/him!
If offered water, accept even if you're not thirsty, you most likely will be 15mins later, and having it ready on your table will help.
Don't go rushing for the toilet right after you've handed your tray in, as most likely there will be trolleys in the cabin in your way, just give them a few minutes to finish!
For that matter, whenever there are trolleys in the cabin, don't attempt to pass them, it's annoying as hell for the FA, and those bar trolleys can be heavy to lug around by oneself!

8. If you're thirsty and there isn't an FA visible,rather than pressing the call-bell, pay a visit to the galley. The FAs won't mind, as long as you're not interrupting their dinner! The movement of getting up and walking to the galley will also help prevent DVT!

9. Before landing, and they tell you to put your tray table, seat back and footrest in the upright position, just do it, and don't wait for the FA to have to tell you to do it.
Also when they say all electrical equipment must be switched off, this does include your iPod! If you really have to do something in those last 20 minutes, take a book with you!
And if the FA asks you to do something before landing, even though it may seem totally insignificant to you, it might well make the difference between you making it off the plane dead or alive in an emergency!

10. Landing. The plane has now landed at its destination. If it's moving, don't unfasten your belt and stand up.
Never, in the history of commercial aviation has a passenger reached the gate before the aircraft.

11. Disembarking. Again, the FA is not saying "Goodbye" or "Thank You" to the overhead compartments.
After a 9 hour flight, you might wonder, and some ask. "So are you flying back now?".
The answer: "No".
You think you might be exhausted and tired after the flight, imagine what the crew feel like.
So, no, they're not going back to wherever you just flew from. In fact, the chances are you'll meet them at the lobby of the hotel you're about to stay at (provided it's a 5-star one... seriously).

12. "I'll never fly your airline again".
A phrase sometimes heard by an airline crew member, but its intended impact is totally lost on the the FA. Statistically you're more likely to use it if you hail from across the pond.
Last time I was personally told this was on Saturday morning during boarding:
Lady: "I'm never gonna fly your airline again"
Me: "Well, why's that madam?"
Lady: "There's someone sitting in my seat".


I do hope these points will help you on your next flight. If you have an on-board situation you're not sure how to handle, do post a comment and I'll endeavour to add it to my list.

Fly the friendly skies!